We often talk to our clients about being ruthless on behalf of their children. Parents usually think that means we will drag the school team out behind the gym and beat them up if necessary.
Not surprisingly, that isn’t what we mean at all.
Ruthless is usually defined as an adjective meaning behavior without pity or remorse, and that is the way in which we are using the term. But we aren’t using it towards school teams—we are using it regarding ourselves and the parents we represent.
What we mean is that everything you do, every action you take regarding your child’s education must be useful and serve your child’s education and progress, or you must eliminate those actions.
The school team treats you with condescension which makes you angry, and you begin to show that anger and treat the school team with equal condescension and rudeness? Not useful, you need to stop that—it won’t help your child.
You agree to everything the school suggests because you want them to like you? Not useful, you need to stop that, it won’t help your child.
Always being polite and maintaining (at least) a professional relationship with your school team? Yes, keep it up no matter how angry it makes you to remain calm and polite.
Asking good questions and continuing to follow up (politely) until you get good (or at least clear) answers? Good work—keep asking even though it may make them (and you) uncomfortable.
A school official rolls their eyes every time you speak, so you begin to do the same when they speak, and then allow that to make you so angry you begin to respond emotionally to every issue raised by the school, and fail to ask questions? Not useful—drop it and stick to being professional. If it goes on long enough, you can certainly call them out on it, in a polite way. “Mr. Smith, it seems like every time I say something, you make an expression that seems to be dismissive of either me, or what I am saying. If that’s your intention, could you simply tell us your thoughts? And if it isn’t your intention, would you stop?
Being ruthless isn’t easy to do—it’s one of the reasons people hire (or should hire) professional advocates—but it is very important in getting the best education possible for your child.
Be ruthless, in the end you’ll be glad you did.